Dear Hildegaard
Lent, television, and your precious heart
Dear Hildegaard,
Your dad and I considered giving up TV for Lent this year. Thought we might shroud the mammoth screen with a bedsheet until Easter (which, now that I say it out loud, sounds completely unspiritual when it is the empty cross that is meant to be unveiled on Easter.) Upon further discussion, I told him I didn’t want to.
We did give up something for Lent, but I just didn’t want it to be our times together, snuggling on the couch, watching Dino Dana or Trash Truck. Your body and mind are so busy and miraculous these days, that the only time I get to cuddle you is when you’re taking a milk break to watch a show, or when we’re reading books before bed with Daddy. During our TV times, you insist on sitting on my lap, and sometimes you hold one or both of my hands. We talk about the different dinosaurs, or why Walter the bear needs to hibernate for the winter. You ask a hundred questions and I try to answer at least one.
I think that stories matter, and that television and movies can be a gift. During the first winter of our marriage, your dad and I watched the entire series of The Office on an old couch, usually at night, in our fuzzy robes, holding hands. The family room in our old house used to be a porch, so there was a serious draft on cold days and, each winter, we had to move into the dining room. I treasure those times together, resting from striving and sadness. We laughed and laughed and laughed and there are few things more important in marriage than laughter.
But sometimes you and I try out a new show, and end up turning it off before the first episode has ended. Maybe it was too scary, or the characters were fighting all the time, and when I looked at your precious face, I saw concern in your eyes. Maybe the show was moving so fast that it made us both feel restless and grumpy. Or maybe a character in the movie kept being unkind with no remorse, and I knew that it was not going to produce a spirit of love in either of us. So, we turned it off and returned to our pile of books, ever abounding, on the couch and floor.
The thing about television is that it is not always a gift. When we are in church on Sundays, listening to your Daddy preach, people have their Bibles open, following along. Minds are alert, weighing the lessons and stories and commentary, trying to piece together what it all means about God and life under the sun. When we are reading books together, we are going slow enough to talk about the content of every page. And when you’re in high school English class, you will get sick from how much analysis you have to put into The Great Gatsby. But television and music are different. We often use them as a break from thinking and working, and we need that. But understand, beloved, that when we rest our minds, our hearts are still receiving. In fact, we are receiving without any filter or stop signs. And so the content often becomes an important part of who we are and who we become, almost without our permission.
I have had to be honest with myself, over the years, that certain television shows and movies tempt me to things like discontentment, lust, and fear. There is enough temptation in this life without inviting into our homes and giving it hours of our time. I have been embarrassed when I couldn’t watch the popular shows my friends loved, because my heart was just too swayed by them. Everyone is different. If you are anything like me, and I think you might be, you will have to create a filter for what meets your eyes and enters your heart. It won’t always be fun. You might have to put an exciting book down, miss out on the popular show of the moment, or even turn the radio off. Pursuing holiness looks silly on the outside, but is one important way we worship the God who gave His Son to redeem us.
I don’t want you to live in fear or a constant state of hyper-vigilance. Christ has set us free. But Proverbs 4:23 says that we must guard our hearts, for “everything [we] do flows from it.” It does matter what we watch and listen to. It will have its way in us, and I want you to be aware of that and ask God to help you choose what you let enter your precious heart. Until then, your dad and I have control over the remote.
I love you.
Being the “overly sensitive” one can be tricky sometimes. I can’t tell you how many conversations about pop culture I’ve had to sit through with glazed eyes. But the same sensitivity that makes so many things too much, also allows me to do so many other things. TV isn’t always a great fit for the deep feelers, and maybe that’s really ok! It’s that whole thing Paul says, “all things are lawful, but not all things are profitable”
This is so true—and while we didn't do it perfectly, I'll say that now that we have all teens, we have reaped some of the benefits of being more vigilant than our counterparts... It's genuinely a joy to watch legit good things with our kids now, partly because we made an effort to not just protect them from bad stuff, but also cultivate good taste in them. I don't mean that in a hoity-toity way, more in a what-actually-is-good-art? way. I'm grateful we went through the (sometimes annoying) effort.